Zombie Shirts And The End Of The World

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I cannot tell you how awful my night has been, but considering the current state of the world…I suppose everyone is having a bad night. It wasn’t long after midnight when one of them noticed some careless movement behind a window. Maybe it was just a curtain moving and was a stroke of bad luck, or maybe one of us did something stupid. It doesn’t matter, because they attacked the house. In the aftermath, Jim was laying on the ground and bleeding from a dozen wounds with three undead kids wearing zombie t-shirts.

That whole moment was like looking through the world while trapped in liquid amber. Everything moved so slow that I could just observe and think. I remember that just a few short years ago, the entire planet was infatuated with zombie media, and here were three chubby kids who were so in love with undead stuff that they were wearing zombie shirts when they died.

It had to have been a coincidence, but I understand how it could be possible considering how many people were wearing zombie tees when the dead actually started coming back hungry. Things happened too quickly for people to actually know why it was happening, but these three fools were obviously in for a shock when their favorite movie monsters started eating them alive.

I snapped out of this reverie when I heard by friend Jim make a noise. I was prepared to kill one more monster, when I realized that he wasn’t quite dead yet. Nothing gets to be easy these days, even dying. Jim kicked weakly at one of the guys laying around him and I heard him laugh, despite all of the blood loss. “Can you believe these idiots are wearing zombie tee shirts, man?” he said. I had to laugh, even though I couldn’t see from the tears in my eyes.

I took care of him. It took every bit of strength I had, but he wanted me to get it done. I loved him like a brother, and we swore we would never let each other turn. I burned him with the guys in zombie shirts and then left that place behind. I don’t know what I’ll do now that I’m alone. I have to sleep sometime. I guess it’s better than waiting for some zombie-loving zombie to come get me.


Talk Shit, Spit Blood

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You know you like that feeling you get when something makes you feel like a bad-ass, right? Maybe you just picked up something really heavy that you thought for sure you were going to drop. Maybe you just beat a video game that has been giving you problems. Or maybe, just maybe, you just walked into a biker bar wearing this Talk Shit, Spit Blood t-shirt and then walked back out alive.

Talk Shit, Spit Blood!

You don't want to go talking shit around a person wearing a shirt like this

You may want to argue that this shirt doesn’t belong in a blog about funny t-shirts, but I would have to disagree with you wholeheartedly. Violence in and of itself is not funny, but there is nothing violent about this shirt. This shirt is deterring violence. It sets some ground rules and demands that they not be broken, even going so far as to set some fairly certain penalties if they are. More simply: if you talk shit, you are going to be hit in the mouth and will be spitting blood forthwith.

I saw a guy wearing this shirt at a bike rally a few months ago, and laughed out loud immediately. I tracked him down and asked him where he bought it, because as a shirt vendor…it was my job to know. The guy wasn’t a hard-ass at all. He was courteous and well spoken, and I have to admit I was a bit surprised. I kind of expected him to be some kind of knuckle-dragging ape, but he turned out to be quite nice. The irony of this only made the t-shirt funnier to me, but I’ve always been someone who appreciates a bit of irony.

When I visited the source of this funny t-shirt, I found the above image as the modeling picture. This sealed the deal. Not only is the shirt kind of hardcore, which appeals to the male in me, but it is also one of the best funny t-shirts I’ve found in a while. Talk Shit, Spit Blood deserves its place amongst the best funny t-shirts on the Internet. You can find this shirt and more at www.foulmouthshirts.com.